College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
