I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
as a side note pls kill me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
