i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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