I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
