If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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