saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
