genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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