Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
