I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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