My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
