Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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