what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
