I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
