your parents love me but you hate me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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