She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
