this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
