Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
