Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize