I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
