I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
