Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
