In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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