if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
