dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
