and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
