I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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