The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
