im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
