I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
no you cant smoke seaweed
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
