Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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