there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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