A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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