I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
