Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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