Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
