So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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