Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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