I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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