what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
