her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
