i don't like sucking hair
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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