apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
