I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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