Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
