Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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