I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
