It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
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I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
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jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I want a musical about memes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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