My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
