I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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