I'm so fucking centered right now
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
