How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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