while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
