Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
pray to the hookup gods
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
