I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
