I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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