we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
