oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
