I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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