16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
