Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize