WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
