I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
