She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
