Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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