I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
