Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
