You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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