I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
