just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
