At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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