dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
